MOTHER'S DAY

THIS IS THE DAY THAT WE CELEBRATE OUR MOTHERS. THIS IS THE DAY THAT WE THANK THEM FOR BEING OUR MOTHER'S AND TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR LOVE, HARD WORK, AND DEVOTION. ITS REALLY CRAZY THAT WE HAVE THIS ONE DAY TO DO IT WHEN IT SHOULD BE EVERY DAY. MOST OF US KNOW THAT MOTHERS ARE AN INTEGRAL PART OF OUR LIFE. THEY ESTABLISH OUR BLUEPRINT THEY GIVE THAT FOUNDATION TO WHOM WE MAY BECOME. A MOTHERS LOVE CANNOT BE PUT INTO WORDS BECAUSE IT IS A POWERFUL EMOTION OR EMOTIONS. WHETHER THEY ARE BIOLOGICAL, ADOPTIVE, SURROGATE, GAY, ETC THAT BOND IS BEAUTIFUL. I WANT TO TAKE THE TIME OUT AND SHARE WITH YOU MY MOTHER. MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY 4 1/2 YEARS AGO. I LOST HERE TO PANCREATIC CANCER AND SOMETIMES IT STILL FEELS LIKE IT JUST HAPPENED. PANCREATIC CANCER IS ON OF THE MOST QUICKEST, DANGEROUS, AND DEADLIEST CANCERS. MY MOTHER ALMOST COLLAPSED INTO A CATATONIC STATE AND WAS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL SHORTLY AFTER SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER. THE CANCER WAS ALREADY STAGE FOUR AND HAD ALREADY SPREAD TO HER STOMACH, INTESTINES AND GALL BLADDER. THE DOCTORS MADE THIS ACTUALLY HARDER FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS INCARCERATED AT THE TIME. MY MOTHER WAS ONE OF MY BIGGEST SUPPORTS AND THEN ONE DAY THE LETTERS STOPPED. I FELT THIS HOLE IN MY CHEST AND  IN MY HEART THAT I STILL CANT EXPLAIN. I HAD SO MANY EMOTIONS AND REGRETS THAT WENT THROUGH MY SPIRIT THAT I AM STILL WORKING THROUGH. BECAUSE OF MY MOTHERS SITUATION SHE CHOSE NOT TO DIE IN THE HOSPITAL BUT AT HOME IN HOSPICE WHERE SHE PASSED AWAY. OFTEN I THINK ABOUT WHAT WAS SHE FEELING WHAT WAS SOME OF THE THOUGHTS THAT WENT THROUGH HER HEAD. MOST OF ALL I WONDER WHERE SHE DREW THAT STRENGTH FROM TO LAST THOSE 6 WEEKS. I THINK OF MY MOTHER OFTEN AND THE LOVE THAT I FEEL FOR HER IS STILL HERE WITH ME AND IT BURNS STRONGER THAN EVER. IF MY MOHTER WAS HERE RIGHT NOW I THINK OF SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD SAY TO HER. LIKE MOM DO YOU REMEMBER SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I HATED TO EAT WHEN I WAS A KID I EAT THEM NOW. OR MOM DO YOU REMEMBER THE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD TELL ME TO STAY AWAY FORM YOU WAS RIGHT I WAS WRONG. I REMEMBER WHEN I USE TO THINK YOU WAS TOO HARD ON ME FOR SCHOOL I DONT THINK SO NOW YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. I WOULD THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING ME FOR BEING GAY EVEN THOUGH THE FIRST 2 YEARS WAS TOUGH. I REMEMBER YOU MEETING SINIA, ALLOURA, MEEKA, MERCEDES, PONY, AND LOVING ALL OF THEM. ILL NEVER FORGET WHEN YOU CAME TO MY APARTMENT IN D.C. AND STAYED WITH MEEKA FOR 2 WEEKS AND COOKED AND CLEANED FOR US. LOL I ALSO REMEMBER WHEN ALLOURA STARTED GETTING WORK DONE AND I HAD BROUGHT HER WITH ME ONE TIME AND YOU TOLD HERE HOW FEMININE SHE LOOKED AND SHE FELT GOOD. I ALSO REALIZE THAT YOU WAS A PERFON THAT WOULD HOLD A GRUDGE TO SOMEONE BUT SOFTED UP DURING THE YEARS. THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I LEARNED FROM YOU THAT I AM WORKING ON. I CAN GO ON AND ON ABOUT YOU AND WHAT I MISS. IF I ONLY HAD ONE DAY WITH YOU! MOST OF ALL WHAT I REMEMBER MOST WAS YOUR LOVE YOUR UNCONDITIONAL AND INFINITE LOVE FOR ME. AND BESIDES GOD I DONT THINK THAT WILL EVER BE MATCHED FOR ME. MY MOST SINCERE ADVICE TO EVERYONE IS TO APPRECIATE THE BOND WITH YOUR MOTHER AND NEVER FORGET WHO SHE IS TO YOU IF YOU HAVE A RIFT WITH HER HEAL IT. DONT HOLD ONTO THINGS THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY REALLY DOESNT MATTER! DONT JUST USE THIS DAY FOR MOTHERS DAY USE EVERY DAY. THANK YOU! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER!